Looking back on this picture is be and hard, that season was tough. I see a postpartum body that I struggled with, a colicky baby, lost in my new identity and struggling to just feed my baby. Every time I fed Harley formula she would scream for hours and throw up, like real throw up. I talked to the pediatrician and she said to just try different formulas, we tried 6 and always the same reaction. The pediatrician never believed she was colicky but I didn’t have any other explanation for it. The blood curdling screams, all night long just got to me. I was losing my mind, my daughter sounded miserable and I was losing my old identity. I felt like my whole world was crashing around me, I needed to find a solution, any solution. I tried walking her outside, next to the fan, cry it out, endless experiments. Finally, I was crying in the bathtub while she was in the room crying in her dads arms and I yelled for him to bring her in with me, it worked. She relaxed, I relaxed, we found our calm space to nurse and have a little peace. After a couple days of realizing that we needed to figure out how to work together more, instead of forcing things that just weren’t working. Shortly after we kicked formula to the curb and have never looked back. Now that I nurse my son, he doesn’t like nursing in the tub, he’d rather play. I experimented with him as well and his calm space in in the rocking chair next to the box fan, works like a charm. Your nursing space doesn’t have to be fancy or expensive, it has to work. If your body is stressed out trying to force something, it may not be natural and it may affect your milk supply. Be patient and have an open mind as to what might work instead. Remember to love yourself through these new times.